bad day...
awful just awful
thanx girls for the support
it means so much! really thanx!
fought again with my sister today... just ugh i don't even know what to say anymore
i'm fucking tired of this. i hate myself. i eat & eat & eat. i'm weak. i wanna work at a coffee place
it's kinda like starbucks, not as cool though haha but i need money... i spent all the money i was saving for my stupid tattoo... my birthday is in about two months... and i'm still fat!
i wanna be thin by then... and if do so.. i will get my belly button pierced and a tattoo! that's why i need money. My parents won't give me money to do that so i need to make some cash of my own.

I signed up for a mandarin class at college. yay for that :) that means less time at home, which means NOT SEEING my stupid sister ... Today i was talking to my mom and she went to tell that i act like a SLUT ... yup just like that... don't ask me why... she just said that... i was telling my mom i had signed up for that mandarin thing and well ... in my sister's world that has something to do with being a SLUT ... yes no not bitch she said SLUT! ... awesome... just awesome... i can't fucking stand her... i dunno what she has with me... she has never liked me... i think.. i dunno... she has always been a bitter person... and i've always been all bubbly and happy you could say... so that's why we've never really clicked... but that doesn't mean she has to hate me and treat me me the way she always does... when she told me that slut thingy i left the room and told my dad.. " you see... then please don't come telling i'm being mean to her cause i've done nothing!" and she started making this huuuge show ... she was like OMG OMG DAD YOU SEE HOW SHE IS ALWAAAYYYS TRYING TO MAKE A VICTIM OF HERSELF... I MEAN SHE ALWAYS DOES THAT STUFF CAUSE SHE LOVES IT WHEN PEOPLE LOOK AT HER I MEAN IS JUST SHOWING OFF! and my dad told her to shut up and that we had to respect each other and she was like OMG DAD YOU SEE NOOOW I'M THE MEAN GIRL HERE! I MEAN WHAT DID I SAY I ONLY SAY THE TRUTH... BESIDES I ONLY ACT THIS WAY WITH THOSE WHO DESERVVVVEEE IT!!! AND I MEAN GOSHHH LOOK AT HER SHE IS JUST TRYING TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION! I MEAN SHE THINKS THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND HER! so i asked to to stop saying all that crap about me and my dad was sooooo maaad! (i mean don't think we always scream that way in front of my dad) and he told us both to shut up and that this was happening beacause of all the freedom he has given us that now we don't even respect him! and my sister stormed out of the room screaming OMGOSH I CANNOT BELIEEVEEEEE YOU'RE DEFEEENDINNG HER!! ...

i mean... honestly what did i do? NO NO im not trying to make a victim of myself.. but god knooowss i did nothing! i mean i even try to stay away from her! but she just loovess teasing me and making me feel like shit and telling me i'm shit!! ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i can't stand this !! i can't i can't!!!!!!!!!!!!! :'( :'( :'(

but you know what? i won't be like her... i forgive her... someday she'll know what she's doing is wrong.. and well whatever... really i don't feel like writting anymore.. i feel like crap