okaaaay
too much to do, too little time!
have homework to do, loads of shit to study, books to read, exercise, etc etc
1) i had THE most amazing time this weekends! :D it was just too much fun! and im doing it again in December! yay for that! Also i met a amazing and HOT boy! :) haha
Couldn't fast BUT i ate less than 300 cals and burned like 18r94832 cals building the house and walking a lot!! :D So i'm sure i lost a few pounds! still have no scale :'( FUCK
2) i'm pretty sure i'll fail Economy :(
i'm back p4
Hi again...
Remember the "hotel-restaurant"? Well, no more hotel... it will be more like "rooms for rent!" haha i know... sucks... but anyway. The restaurant? Well... i feel bad for my dad you know, he has such bad luck! Can you believe that those stupid people from that organization or whatever the fuck it is... made this new sort of law that says that the area like the streets in that area where the restaurant was supposed to be is a restaurant-bar-or-anything-that-can-disturb-that-quite-area free zone!! Can you believe it? My dad was sooooooooooooooo upset. The worst part is that if you try going against that stupid law, you'll get sued! And oh my gosh you have to pay a huge disgusting amount of money!! My dad is soosoosoo upset. Anyway, he and my mom are trying to figure out what they're gonna do. Meanwhile my dad got a really good position (thank god!!) in a document and package delivery company.
I'm not doing as good as i'd like at college. This semester i'm taking 5 courses: Marketing II, Math II, Accounting (ew ew ew), Economy and Lenguage & Communication (stupid course). I'm doing really good in Marketing, Math and L&C... but omg i fuckiiing hate accounting and economy... ugh i just hate those classes and i'm doing awful... Accounting i'll pass... but economy i'm not so sure :S I'm just really bad in that class i swear i try, but it is sooo fucking boring i end up not paying attention! :'( Ugh ... anyway...
Also... my birthday was last month! aw... i'm 19 now! haha My friends came that day at like 6:00 am to wake me up and they brought me a tiny chocolate cupcake with a tiny candle and sang me "happy bday to youu" awn Sweet wasn't it? At night my parents my bro and my sis invited to dinner. They asked me to choose where i wanted to go, and i chose this arabian food restaurant and yup, i ate tons!! But whatever... it was my birthday! haha Later i met a couple of my friends and we went to a bar ET and there we drank i don't know how many shots of tequila... haha and then i got really drunk, i remember dancing and laughing a lot! haha I had a really good day! That was on Saturday, on sunday as a surprise my friends took me to the beach! haha i was feeling awful! i swear... all the way to the beach (that is about 2 hours from my town) i felt awful... and the minute i got off the car i had to look for a bathroom cause i was feeling nauseous... haha gross.... anyway then we had a lot of fun... just laying in the sand, taking the sun, watching the waves crash in the shore... :) didn't do much more than that haha it was really cool! :D Except lunch! ... We wen't to JPS and we ordered some fried shrims (poor things :( ) and we were there talking, relaxing... when this dude came to me and tried to "flirt" But he was all wasted, like 15 years older than me aand ugly! We didn't need to ask him to leave... we just gave him this look... and well he left... then like 20 mins later he was back! ugh he was stalking us... and then he was like trying to touch my leg! EWW I MEAN HELLOOOO.. gross gross gross! So we had to leave cause it was just too much! haha Well but apart from that we had a lot fun! :D I had a fun fun fun birthday! :D
Remember the "hotel-restaurant"? Well, no more hotel... it will be more like "rooms for rent!" haha i know... sucks... but anyway. The restaurant? Well... i feel bad for my dad you know, he has such bad luck! Can you believe that those stupid people from that organization or whatever the fuck it is... made this new sort of law that says that the area like the streets in that area where the restaurant was supposed to be is a restaurant-bar-or-anything-that-can-disturb-that-quite-area free zone!! Can you believe it? My dad was sooooooooooooooo upset. The worst part is that if you try going against that stupid law, you'll get sued! And oh my gosh you have to pay a huge disgusting amount of money!! My dad is soosoosoo upset. Anyway, he and my mom are trying to figure out what they're gonna do. Meanwhile my dad got a really good position (thank god!!) in a document and package delivery company.
I'm not doing as good as i'd like at college. This semester i'm taking 5 courses: Marketing II, Math II, Accounting (ew ew ew), Economy and Lenguage & Communication (stupid course). I'm doing really good in Marketing, Math and L&C... but omg i fuckiiing hate accounting and economy... ugh i just hate those classes and i'm doing awful... Accounting i'll pass... but economy i'm not so sure :S I'm just really bad in that class i swear i try, but it is sooo fucking boring i end up not paying attention! :'( Ugh ... anyway...
Also... my birthday was last month! aw... i'm 19 now! haha My friends came that day at like 6:00 am to wake me up and they brought me a tiny chocolate cupcake with a tiny candle and sang me "happy bday to youu" awn Sweet wasn't it? At night my parents my bro and my sis invited to dinner. They asked me to choose where i wanted to go, and i chose this arabian food restaurant and yup, i ate tons!! But whatever... it was my birthday! haha Later i met a couple of my friends and we went to a bar ET and there we drank i don't know how many shots of tequila... haha and then i got really drunk, i remember dancing and laughing a lot! haha I had a really good day! That was on Saturday, on sunday as a surprise my friends took me to the beach! haha i was feeling awful! i swear... all the way to the beach (that is about 2 hours from my town) i felt awful... and the minute i got off the car i had to look for a bathroom cause i was feeling nauseous... haha gross.... anyway then we had a lot of fun... just laying in the sand, taking the sun, watching the waves crash in the shore... :) didn't do much more than that haha it was really cool! :D Except lunch! ... We wen't to JPS and we ordered some fried shrims (poor things :( ) and we were there talking, relaxing... when this dude came to me and tried to "flirt" But he was all wasted, like 15 years older than me aand ugly! We didn't need to ask him to leave... we just gave him this look... and well he left... then like 20 mins later he was back! ugh he was stalking us... and then he was like trying to touch my leg! EWW I MEAN HELLOOOO.. gross gross gross! So we had to leave cause it was just too much! haha Well but apart from that we had a lot fun! :D I had a fun fun fun birthday! :D
i'm back! part 3 inspiration, french, cute guy...
I have to admit my life has never had too much "action"? When it comes to ...everything? lol So i have learned to appreciate all the little tiny details that make a sort of interesting-weird-sometimes-a-bit-irksome-but-kinda-nice (well that could be a new english adjective invented by a latin-chinese-spanish girl haha) life, a life worth living. Of course as you've read i have ups and downs! But i always try to find a reason to keep on going, keep on walking! Even if the reason is as simple as going for a walk in the evening or a bigger one as going to college and graduate or just for the sake of learning! I mean, even if the rest of my life is screwed up... there's is always something to give me strength to keep on opening my eyes every morning. So if you eveeer feel like everything is SHIT... that you're life couldn't be worse... dig a little deeper, i promise you'll find a tiny little light and that would be enoughtto brighten up your whole day, week, month, year. :)
Wow, i was inspired! Anyway... so what else have i been up to?
I stopped going to the Mandarin lessons cause they were at college; and college is about an hour and a half from my house! I live in a small town called AG (haha obviously i wasn't going to write the whole name..) awn i wish i wasn't so paranoid and i would write my town's name you know, to give it a little publicity! lol. It's a really really pretty tiny town, well it's a actually a valley turned into a town sort of. Anyway it's surrounded by THREE volcanoes and i think two of them are active! haha but don't worry they are far enough not to make any damage when erupting, also it's surrounded by mountains... yup i have a pretty cool view from the roof of my house, specially when a volcanoe is erupting!! It looks sooo cool! I swear... What i hate is that cause it is soooo small everyone know everyone! And after living 19 years here it gets a bit boring!
Haha sorry i slipped a bit ther... so i was saying my town-valley-whatever is a bit far from the city, where my college is! I wasted too much time from going-returning home and gooing agian. So i quit. I started taking french lesson, here in my town-valley-whatever :) and i am loooving it! French is soo sexy don't you think? haha and OH MY GOD... my school's principal... well he is french and he is SO SO SO SO HOT! And he's got this cute sexy accent! haha Anyway, thank god my teacher is a woman i wouldn't be able to concentrate if my teacher was a hot french dude! haha So far i've learned the numbers (un, deux, trois, etc) and now i can introduce myself and someone else! haha
Je m'appelle Matilda
J'ai 19 ans
J'habite à ????
J'etudie a l'universite ...
hahaha and that's about it! :( boo. But i'll get better in time... that's for sure! haha :)
Remember i told you my dog was sick? well, he passed away last week :'(... i cried, i cried a lot... and i miss him, but i know he is in a better place now, where he isn't suffering and i'm sure he is happy wherever he is! He's watching over us and i'll see him again one day! :)
Remember the guy i told you about, the one i likedd but didn't talked to him cause i'm a dork and get all nervous? Well... no i haven't talked to him ROFL. I still like him, i mean he is sooo cute! He's like the exact type of guy i like i mean physically obviously! If i didn't have a type of guy before well ... now i do and it's HIM! lol I don't remember if i told you this... no i think not... well... he smiled at me! haha aw i'm a loser... :( okay... so we were in class and he got in a little late... he sat in the desk in front of me, at the end of the class we had to sign the assistance list... so he had to give it to me and he turned and handed it in... i took and said thanx and smiled :) He said okay and smiled back :) then seconds later he turned to look at me again... and smiled at me AGAIN! But like this really sweet tendering smile! And i smiled... and then felt my face all hot ... haha yup i was turning into a living tomato
Sorry again it's late, i need to rest... a good week is starting and i wanna get some good sleep! Cause i can feel it! It's gonna be a good week :D and not just for me... but for all of youuu! okay... i gotta go.
love ya all! xxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxxxoooxxxoo
Wow, i was inspired! Anyway... so what else have i been up to?
I stopped going to the Mandarin lessons cause they were at college; and college is about an hour and a half from my house! I live in a small town called AG (haha obviously i wasn't going to write the whole name..) awn i wish i wasn't so paranoid and i would write my town's name you know, to give it a little publicity! lol. It's a really really pretty tiny town, well it's a actually a valley turned into a town sort of. Anyway it's surrounded by THREE volcanoes and i think two of them are active! haha but don't worry they are far enough not to make any damage when erupting, also it's surrounded by mountains... yup i have a pretty cool view from the roof of my house, specially when a volcanoe is erupting!! It looks sooo cool! I swear... What i hate is that cause it is soooo small everyone know everyone! And after living 19 years here it gets a bit boring!
Haha sorry i slipped a bit ther... so i was saying my town-valley-whatever is a bit far from the city, where my college is! I wasted too much time from going-returning home and gooing agian. So i quit. I started taking french lesson, here in my town-valley-whatever :) and i am loooving it! French is soo sexy don't you think? haha and OH MY GOD... my school's principal... well he is french and he is SO SO SO SO HOT! And he's got this cute sexy accent! haha Anyway, thank god my teacher is a woman i wouldn't be able to concentrate if my teacher was a hot french dude! haha So far i've learned the numbers (un, deux, trois, etc) and now i can introduce myself and someone else! haha
Je m'appelle Matilda
J'ai 19 ans
J'habite à ????
J'etudie a l'universite ...
hahaha and that's about it! :( boo. But i'll get better in time... that's for sure! haha :)
Remember i told you my dog was sick? well, he passed away last week :'(... i cried, i cried a lot... and i miss him, but i know he is in a better place now, where he isn't suffering and i'm sure he is happy wherever he is! He's watching over us and i'll see him again one day! :)
Remember the guy i told you about, the one i likedd but didn't talked to him cause i'm a dork and get all nervous? Well... no i haven't talked to him ROFL. I still like him, i mean he is sooo cute! He's like the exact type of guy i like i mean physically obviously! If i didn't have a type of guy before well ... now i do and it's HIM! lol I don't remember if i told you this... no i think not... well... he smiled at me! haha aw i'm a loser... :( okay... so we were in class and he got in a little late... he sat in the desk in front of me, at the end of the class we had to sign the assistance list... so he had to give it to me and he turned and handed it in... i took and said thanx and smiled :) He said okay and smiled back :) then seconds later he turned to look at me again... and smiled at me AGAIN! But like this really sweet tendering smile! And i smiled... and then felt my face all hot ... haha yup i was turning into a living tomato
Sorry again it's late, i need to rest... a good week is starting and i wanna get some good sleep! Cause i can feel it! It's gonna be a good week :D and not just for me... but for all of youuu! okay... i gotta go.
love ya all! xxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxxxoooxxxoo
these last... 2 months? ... i'm back part 2
Okay soo...
Days passed and i really tried to change you know... I tried to look me in the mirror and think: "WOW you've got a gorgeous bodyyy!!". I ate, every meal of every day... of the past 1 or 2 months! And well..
Did i feel good? NO.
Did i actually like what i was seeing in the mirror? NO.
Did i mean it when i said: "WOW YOU'VE GOT A GORGEOUS BODY"? NO.
Did i feel guilty for putting all that food(crap) in my mouth? ohhh YES.
L asked me almost everyday: "How did it go today?"; and what did i answer? haha Yup! you guessed right! i answered: "YES, i feel awesome!! Thank youuu i love youu!". And i thought i was a bad liar.What a hypocrite i am... but heey! it wasn't that i wanted to lie, i mean i really wanted NOT to lie. I wanted to tell her i felt good... and i wanted it to be true. It wasn't true... but it was either lying OR telling the truth aand accepting that SHE was going to tell my mom or dad... and then of course they would've made this HUGE scene... and finally i would've been sent to a shrink! And well, i don't want that right?
So days passed, then weeks and suddenly a month. I was denying myself that THAT wasn't what i wanted, that THAT wasn't making me feel good; instead i felt WORST!! AND the WORST part was that i gaining weight! I mean, i didn't have a scale cause my dad took it to my grandma's. So i was eating tons, i wasn't able to weigh aaand i knew i was gaining? !It was a torture. Believe me! It was enough... i couldn't kept on living like that! I mean, i don't wanna go back to when i weighed 154 lbs! i mean NOOOO FUCKING THANX!
So here i am... IM BACK! And i apologize for being so weak and stupid! I promise i'll never EVER do that again! I'm back.. so WORLD BE READY CAUSE HERE I COME AND NOBODY CAN STOP ME NOW!! How will i manage to fool L? I don't know... but that won't stop me, i'm smart and i'll come up with something... :) Besides it's not like i see her everyday! Only fridays and weekends... But i won't be seeing her for like two weeks!! Cause I volunteered for this organization called hmm well it kinda translates as "A roof for my country". We build wood houses for people of low resources :) (does that phrase or whatever exist? "people of low resources" or is it just "poor people") i know... i'm such a nice girl? HAHAHAHA just kidding! Anyway, i'm really exited!! And i know it will be a really cool experience since we'll share with the families we are going to build the houses for :D. So i'm going from Friday to Sunday to a sort of village and she won't be there! Neither will my parents... woohooo! That a good oportunity to fast ooor have less than 300 cals!.
I missed reading your blogs, i missed writing heree even if sometimes my posts are nonsense or whatever and i missed reading your comments!
Okay, there are still tons of tiny things i'd like to tell you about.. but i'll do that in a separete post! haha okaaaaayyy i loooove youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! And again... thanx for reading!! xxxxooooxxxxxoooooxxxxooo
Days passed and i really tried to change you know... I tried to look me in the mirror and think: "WOW you've got a gorgeous bodyyy!!". I ate, every meal of every day... of the past 1 or 2 months! And well..
Did i feel good? NO.
Did i actually like what i was seeing in the mirror? NO.
Did i mean it when i said: "WOW YOU'VE GOT A GORGEOUS BODY"? NO.
Did i feel guilty for putting all that food(crap) in my mouth? ohhh YES.
L asked me almost everyday: "How did it go today?"; and what did i answer? haha Yup! you guessed right! i answered: "YES, i feel awesome!! Thank youuu i love youu!". And i thought i was a bad liar.What a hypocrite i am... but heey! it wasn't that i wanted to lie, i mean i really wanted NOT to lie. I wanted to tell her i felt good... and i wanted it to be true. It wasn't true... but it was either lying OR telling the truth aand accepting that SHE was going to tell my mom or dad... and then of course they would've made this HUGE scene... and finally i would've been sent to a shrink! And well, i don't want that right?
So days passed, then weeks and suddenly a month. I was denying myself that THAT wasn't what i wanted, that THAT wasn't making me feel good; instead i felt WORST!! AND the WORST part was that i gaining weight! I mean, i didn't have a scale cause my dad took it to my grandma's. So i was eating tons, i wasn't able to weigh aaand i knew i was gaining? !It was a torture. Believe me! It was enough... i couldn't kept on living like that! I mean, i don't wanna go back to when i weighed 154 lbs! i mean NOOOO FUCKING THANX!
So here i am... IM BACK! And i apologize for being so weak and stupid! I promise i'll never EVER do that again! I'm back.. so WORLD BE READY CAUSE HERE I COME AND NOBODY CAN STOP ME NOW!! How will i manage to fool L? I don't know... but that won't stop me, i'm smart and i'll come up with something... :) Besides it's not like i see her everyday! Only fridays and weekends... But i won't be seeing her for like two weeks!! Cause I volunteered for this organization called hmm well it kinda translates as "A roof for my country". We build wood houses for people of low resources :) (does that phrase or whatever exist? "people of low resources" or is it just "poor people") i know... i'm such a nice girl? HAHAHAHA just kidding! Anyway, i'm really exited!! And i know it will be a really cool experience since we'll share with the families we are going to build the houses for :D. So i'm going from Friday to Sunday to a sort of village and she won't be there! Neither will my parents... woohooo! That a good oportunity to fast ooor have less than 300 cals!.
I missed reading your blogs, i missed writing heree even if sometimes my posts are nonsense or whatever and i missed reading your comments!
Okay, there are still tons of tiny things i'd like to tell you about.. but i'll do that in a separete post! haha okaaaaayyy i loooove youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! And again... thanx for reading!! xxxxooooxxxxxoooooxxxxooo
these last... 2 months? ... i'm back part 1
oh man... where should i start?
Okay... about a month ago, i think, (as i said... i've lost track of time... so don't ask for dates) so i was saying... a month ago or more than a month ago... my best friend L came to stay over at my house, we watched a few movies and talked all night long... the next morning i woke up and i went to take a shower. L stayed in my room, waiting for me ... when i finished showering i went to my room, of course to get some clean clothes... and she was there, acting all weird and making all these weird faces. I payed no attention.
That same day we went for a cup of coffee to CB( initials of the coffee place). She was still acting weird.. so... this is kinda like how the conversation went...
me: wtf? are you mad or something?
L: no...
me: then?
L: then what?
me: seriously... WHAT THE FUCK?
L: don't you have anything you'd like to talk about with me?
me: uh... no?
L: sure?
me: yeah?
L: are you okay?
me: yeah? ... now... seriously L... what the fuck?
L: i think i read something i wasn't supposed to.. and now i'm worried about you...
me: what do you mean?
( i actually kinda knew by that moment... i keep this sort of journal where i write from time to time... which is like once a month... and there i've written about almost every feeling i've had about myself... how much i disgust myself... and also most of my plans and diets ... and goals... so what i actually meant with "What do you mean?" was... OH FUCK!)
L: oh c'mon...
me: (i couldn't speak.. i had a knot in my throat and my eyes were all blurry from the stupid tears that were trying to escape ... )
L: (she only looked at me...)
me: (swallowed, closed my eyes and tried to keep those tears inside... but couldn't, a few managed to come out)
L: (still didn't speak)
me: it was non of you business! you didn't have to read it!
L: that is not the point!!!
me: oh c'mon!!! who do you think you are to go sneaking around my stuff???
L: (didn't say anyting)
me: listen, i know you're my friend... but it is my life!! so don't try to fix it!!! i am FINE! and i don't need you! and you better not run and try to tell my mom! or your mom! Cause you have NO RIGHT!!!
L: shut up! why didn't you try to talk to me about it?
me: BECAUSE!!!!! you wouldn't understand...! and i don't need your help so don't you dare trying! ...
L: fine! if you don't neeeeddd meee.. i guess i can go home now!
me: oh yess pleassee... take careeeee ... ;) (that was pure sarcasm, and she knew)
L: whatever matilda...
well yeah i think that's about it... i mean it wasn't with all those exact same words... but that's kinda how it was... two days passed and i didn't hear of her... and yup as you can imagine i was REALLY upset! but at the same time i was feeling like SHIT! Because i knew she didn't mean to hurt me! ... so i decided to text her ... and i wrote "you see... i'm fucked up! And the least thing i need right now is losing you".. so she called me... i went to her house ... and i dunno what she did or said, but i ended up crying like a little baby. I was helpless, weak... and i spit it ALL out! (obviously not a word about my blog) but the rest... i did... i told her almost everything! how i started last year... how fucked up i felt most of the time! how i didn't eat for days! and how good it felt! it told her everything! GOD EVERYTHING, YOU SEE... EVERYTHING... my deepest secret! i told ... and i told her how scared i was... you know, of her thinking i was NUTS! and i begged her not to tell anyone! cause i didn't wanna be sent to a shrink! i promised her i was gonna try to change! ... and i said "you don't understand... so don't judge me!" about 242309487209 times.
She said she knew she didn't understand... and that she promised not telling anyone! But only if i promised her i was going to eat! That i had to tell her how i was feeling... and that i had to try to love myself... and that i had to look in the mirror and try to keep a positive mind! ... and so i did... i promised... i mean i REALLY promised... i really thought i wanted to stop my life style... i thought i was gonna feel better, NOT!
to be continued...
ps: sorry i have to go! there's still a MILLION things i have to tell you about... love youu! xoxoxoxoxox
Okay... about a month ago, i think, (as i said... i've lost track of time... so don't ask for dates) so i was saying... a month ago or more than a month ago... my best friend L came to stay over at my house, we watched a few movies and talked all night long... the next morning i woke up and i went to take a shower. L stayed in my room, waiting for me ... when i finished showering i went to my room, of course to get some clean clothes... and she was there, acting all weird and making all these weird faces. I payed no attention.
That same day we went for a cup of coffee to CB( initials of the coffee place). She was still acting weird.. so... this is kinda like how the conversation went...
me: wtf? are you mad or something?
L: no...
me: then?
L: then what?
me: seriously... WHAT THE FUCK?
L: don't you have anything you'd like to talk about with me?
me: uh... no?
L: sure?
me: yeah?
L: are you okay?
me: yeah? ... now... seriously L... what the fuck?
L: i think i read something i wasn't supposed to.. and now i'm worried about you...
me: what do you mean?
( i actually kinda knew by that moment... i keep this sort of journal where i write from time to time... which is like once a month... and there i've written about almost every feeling i've had about myself... how much i disgust myself... and also most of my plans and diets ... and goals... so what i actually meant with "What do you mean?" was... OH FUCK!)
L: oh c'mon...
me: (i couldn't speak.. i had a knot in my throat and my eyes were all blurry from the stupid tears that were trying to escape ... )
L: (she only looked at me...)
me: (swallowed, closed my eyes and tried to keep those tears inside... but couldn't, a few managed to come out)
L: (still didn't speak)
me: it was non of you business! you didn't have to read it!
L: that is not the point!!!
me: oh c'mon!!! who do you think you are to go sneaking around my stuff???
L: (didn't say anyting)
me: listen, i know you're my friend... but it is my life!! so don't try to fix it!!! i am FINE! and i don't need you! and you better not run and try to tell my mom! or your mom! Cause you have NO RIGHT!!!
L: shut up! why didn't you try to talk to me about it?
me: BECAUSE!!!!! you wouldn't understand...! and i don't need your help so don't you dare trying! ...
L: fine! if you don't neeeeddd meee.. i guess i can go home now!
me: oh yess pleassee... take careeeee ... ;) (that was pure sarcasm, and she knew)
L: whatever matilda...
well yeah i think that's about it... i mean it wasn't with all those exact same words... but that's kinda how it was... two days passed and i didn't hear of her... and yup as you can imagine i was REALLY upset! but at the same time i was feeling like SHIT! Because i knew she didn't mean to hurt me! ... so i decided to text her ... and i wrote "you see... i'm fucked up! And the least thing i need right now is losing you".. so she called me... i went to her house ... and i dunno what she did or said, but i ended up crying like a little baby. I was helpless, weak... and i spit it ALL out! (obviously not a word about my blog) but the rest... i did... i told her almost everything! how i started last year... how fucked up i felt most of the time! how i didn't eat for days! and how good it felt! it told her everything! GOD EVERYTHING, YOU SEE... EVERYTHING... my deepest secret! i told ... and i told her how scared i was... you know, of her thinking i was NUTS! and i begged her not to tell anyone! cause i didn't wanna be sent to a shrink! i promised her i was gonna try to change! ... and i said "you don't understand... so don't judge me!" about 242309487209 times.
She said she knew she didn't understand... and that she promised not telling anyone! But only if i promised her i was going to eat! That i had to tell her how i was feeling... and that i had to try to love myself... and that i had to look in the mirror and try to keep a positive mind! ... and so i did... i promised... i mean i REALLY promised... i really thought i wanted to stop my life style... i thought i was gonna feel better, NOT!
to be continued...
ps: sorry i have to go! there's still a MILLION things i have to tell you about... love youu! xoxoxoxoxox
i almost gave up...
I am lost...
I was supposed to find myself (i didn't)
I haven't weigh in like forever!
I am weaker than ever
I've lost track of time... i barely remember the
last time i posted something in here...
and the WORST of it all! -> I gave up for a while...
It's really late and i need to study for a stupid exam i have tomorrow...
Nads, stick thin, millie... are you still following me? i'm sorry :'( I missed you soo! i swear i'm crying... i can't believe... how could i thought i could move on with my life? how could i thought i was kinda pretty although i was a fat cow? i missed you... and i need you all more than ever!
I was supposed to find myself (i didn't)
I haven't weigh in like forever!
I am weaker than ever
I've lost track of time... i barely remember the
last time i posted something in here...
and the WORST of it all! -> I gave up for a while...
It's really late and i need to study for a stupid exam i have tomorrow...
Nads, stick thin, millie... are you still following me? i'm sorry :'( I missed you soo! i swear i'm crying... i can't believe... how could i thought i could move on with my life? how could i thought i was kinda pretty although i was a fat cow? i missed you... and i need you all more than ever!
Love me the most when I deserve it the least, because then I need it the most.
Tomorrow night you'll have an update with a detailed explanation, i promise!
Tomorrow night you'll have an update with a detailed explanation, i promise!
it took me way too long to think for title to this post... lol :)
i'm sorry i'm not posting i miss you all,
i really do and i have a new follower, Brune! :)
thanx sweety and welcome!.. i promise
to be back soon with great news! :)
and i promise to update ... my life's been
pretty dull so don't expect too muck okay? lol
and i'll read your blogs & comment. I PROMISE!
i love you so fucking much! thanx for the support!
you made me shed a few tears! :)
i'm not giving up. I swear...
i'm not running away either,
i'm just trying to find myself and
i'm about to do so... i know
that for sure...
i'm reading The Kite Runner.
It's really good :)
a few wise words for you all:
"With all its sham, drudgery & broken
dreams... it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful, strive to be happee."
& no matter what... smile
ALWAYS :)
ps: oh nads HAPPEE HAPPEE
BIRTHDAY! :) i'm sorry i didn't
check my blog until today...
and you know ... i've never been
good with birthdays, i always
forget. i hope you had A FUCKING
AWESOME TIME, got completely
wasted and received TONS of
presents! (i would've given you
a present if you weren't so damn far! :S)
i love youuuuu!! and i hope you're enjoying yourself!
i really do and i have a new follower, Brune! :)
thanx sweety and welcome!.. i promise
to be back soon with great news! :)
and i promise to update ... my life's been
pretty dull so don't expect too muck okay? lol
and i'll read your blogs & comment. I PROMISE!
i love you so fucking much! thanx for the support!
you made me shed a few tears! :)
i'm not giving up. I swear...
i'm not running away either,
i'm just trying to find myself and
i'm about to do so... i know
that for sure...
i'm reading The Kite Runner.
It's really good :)
a few wise words for you all:
"With all its sham, drudgery & broken
dreams... it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful, strive to be happee."
& no matter what... smile
ALWAYS :)
ps: oh nads HAPPEE HAPPEE
BIRTHDAY! :) i'm sorry i didn't
check my blog until today...
and you know ... i've never been
good with birthdays, i always
forget. i hope you had A FUCKING
AWESOME TIME, got completely
wasted and received TONS of
presents! (i would've given you
a present if you weren't so damn far! :S)
i love youuuuu!! and i hope you're enjoying yourself!
i'm sorry for being so pessimistic
i've been so fucking depressed
fighting with my dad (long long long story)
with my sister (obviously)
food... fucking food
i had a dog O, and he died a few months ago... i was fucking depressed cause he was with me for about 12 years. And now my other dog W... my dad bought him a month after he
bought O. and now W is really really sick i think he is a little older than O like 2 months... i don't wanna lose him, really :( i dunno if you understand if you've ever had a dog you cared a lot about... he's so old but still so lovely i don't wanna go through it all again... it still hurts that O isn't with me anymore...
Another thing... my BF C just came back from miami and she'll go back on january and she told me she wants to stay in the US she wants to study there and blah blah though she'd rather go to switzerland cause she has like free education there cause her parents are swiss and blah blah blah... she's already make her decision i think... those are her two options... i dunno what i'm gonna do without her:'( i mean i still have F but i dunno... they're different in some ways i dunno if you get the point... anyway that will fucking hurt!
and now there's this guy in my math course who i really REALLY like... he is soo cute, i mean he is not super HOT... he's just cute... at least i like him... and he is so nice! we've spoken only a few times... but only about stupid homework... and you know oh i don't understand do you? silly stuff... and well i don't know if i've mentioned how silly and clumsy i get when i like someone... words never come out right... it becomes harder to speak properly... etc etc. So yeah... story of my life... he doesn't give a fuck about me... never will.
fighting with my dad (long long long story)
with my sister (obviously)
food... fucking food
i had a dog O, and he died a few months ago... i was fucking depressed cause he was with me for about 12 years. And now my other dog W... my dad bought him a month after he
bought O. and now W is really really sick i think he is a little older than O like 2 months... i don't wanna lose him, really :( i dunno if you understand if you've ever had a dog you cared a lot about... he's so old but still so lovely i don't wanna go through it all again... it still hurts that O isn't with me anymore...
Another thing... my BF C just came back from miami and she'll go back on january and she told me she wants to stay in the US she wants to study there and blah blah though she'd rather go to switzerland cause she has like free education there cause her parents are swiss and blah blah blah... she's already make her decision i think... those are her two options... i dunno what i'm gonna do without her:'( i mean i still have F but i dunno... they're different in some ways i dunno if you get the point... anyway that will fucking hurt!
and now there's this guy in my math course who i really REALLY like... he is soo cute, i mean he is not super HOT... he's just cute... at least i like him... and he is so nice! we've spoken only a few times... but only about stupid homework... and you know oh i don't understand do you? silly stuff... and well i don't know if i've mentioned how silly and clumsy i get when i like someone... words never come out right... it becomes harder to speak properly... etc etc. So yeah... story of my life... he doesn't give a fuck about me... never will.
bad day...
awful just awful
thanx girls for the support
it means so much! really thanx!
fought again with my sister today... just ugh i don't even know what to say anymore
i'm fucking tired of this. i hate myself. i eat & eat & eat. i'm weak. i wanna work at a coffee place
it's kinda like starbucks, not as cool though haha but i need money... i spent all the money i was saving for my stupid tattoo... my birthday is in about two months... and i'm still fat!
i wanna be thin by then... and if do so.. i will get my belly button pierced and a tattoo! that's why i need money. My parents won't give me money to do that so i need to make some cash of my own.
I signed up for a mandarin class at college. yay for that :) that means less time at home, which means NOT SEEING my stupid sister ... Today i was talking to my mom and she went to tell that i act like a SLUT ... yup just like that... don't ask me why... she just said that... i was telling my mom i had signed up for that mandarin thing and well ... in my sister's world that has something to do with being a SLUT ... yes no not bitch she said SLUT! ... awesome... just awesome... i can't fucking stand her... i dunno what she has with me... she has never liked me... i think.. i dunno... she has always been a bitter person... and i've always been all bubbly and happy you could say... so that's why we've never really clicked... but that doesn't mean she has to hate me and treat me me the way she always does... when she told me that slut thingy i left the room and told my dad.. " you see... then please don't come telling i'm being mean to her cause i've done nothing!" and she started making this huuuge show ... she was like OMG OMG DAD YOU SEE HOW SHE IS ALWAAAYYYS TRYING TO MAKE A VICTIM OF HERSELF... I MEAN SHE ALWAYS DOES THAT STUFF CAUSE SHE LOVES IT WHEN PEOPLE LOOK AT HER I MEAN IS JUST SHOWING OFF! and my dad told her to shut up and that we had to respect each other and she was like OMG DAD YOU SEE NOOOW I'M THE MEAN GIRL HERE! I MEAN WHAT DID I SAY I ONLY SAY THE TRUTH... BESIDES I ONLY ACT THIS WAY WITH THOSE WHO DESERVVVVEEE IT!!! AND I MEAN GOSHHH LOOK AT HER SHE IS JUST TRYING TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION! I MEAN SHE THINKS THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND HER! so i asked to to stop saying all that crap about me and my dad was sooooo maaad! (i mean don't think we always scream that way in front of my dad) and he told us both to shut up and that this was happening beacause of all the freedom he has given us that now we don't even respect him! and my sister stormed out of the room screaming OMGOSH I CANNOT BELIEEVEEEEE YOU'RE DEFEEENDINNG HER!! ...
i mean... honestly what did i do? NO NO im not trying to make a victim of myself.. but god knooowss i did nothing! i mean i even try to stay away from her! but she just loovess teasing me and making me feel like shit and telling me i'm shit!! ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i can't stand this !! i can't i can't!!!!!!!!!!!!! :'( :'( :'(
but you know what? i won't be like her... i forgive her... someday she'll know what she's doing is wrong.. and well whatever... really i don't feel like writting anymore.. i feel like crap
awful just awful
thanx girls for the support
it means so much! really thanx!
fought again with my sister today... just ugh i don't even know what to say anymore
i'm fucking tired of this. i hate myself. i eat & eat & eat. i'm weak. i wanna work at a coffee place
it's kinda like starbucks, not as cool though haha but i need money... i spent all the money i was saving for my stupid tattoo... my birthday is in about two months... and i'm still fat!
i wanna be thin by then... and if do so.. i will get my belly button pierced and a tattoo! that's why i need money. My parents won't give me money to do that so i need to make some cash of my own.
I signed up for a mandarin class at college. yay for that :) that means less time at home, which means NOT SEEING my stupid sister ... Today i was talking to my mom and she went to tell that i act like a SLUT ... yup just like that... don't ask me why... she just said that... i was telling my mom i had signed up for that mandarin thing and well ... in my sister's world that has something to do with being a SLUT ... yes no not bitch she said SLUT! ... awesome... just awesome... i can't fucking stand her... i dunno what she has with me... she has never liked me... i think.. i dunno... she has always been a bitter person... and i've always been all bubbly and happy you could say... so that's why we've never really clicked... but that doesn't mean she has to hate me and treat me me the way she always does... when she told me that slut thingy i left the room and told my dad.. " you see... then please don't come telling i'm being mean to her cause i've done nothing!" and she started making this huuuge show ... she was like OMG OMG DAD YOU SEE HOW SHE IS ALWAAAYYYS TRYING TO MAKE A VICTIM OF HERSELF... I MEAN SHE ALWAYS DOES THAT STUFF CAUSE SHE LOVES IT WHEN PEOPLE LOOK AT HER I MEAN IS JUST SHOWING OFF! and my dad told her to shut up and that we had to respect each other and she was like OMG DAD YOU SEE NOOOW I'M THE MEAN GIRL HERE! I MEAN WHAT DID I SAY I ONLY SAY THE TRUTH... BESIDES I ONLY ACT THIS WAY WITH THOSE WHO DESERVVVVEEE IT!!! AND I MEAN GOSHHH LOOK AT HER SHE IS JUST TRYING TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION! I MEAN SHE THINKS THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND HER! so i asked to to stop saying all that crap about me and my dad was sooooo maaad! (i mean don't think we always scream that way in front of my dad) and he told us both to shut up and that this was happening beacause of all the freedom he has given us that now we don't even respect him! and my sister stormed out of the room screaming OMGOSH I CANNOT BELIEEVEEEEE YOU'RE DEFEEENDINNG HER!! ...
i mean... honestly what did i do? NO NO im not trying to make a victim of myself.. but god knooowss i did nothing! i mean i even try to stay away from her! but she just loovess teasing me and making me feel like shit and telling me i'm shit!! ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i can't stand this !! i can't i can't!!!!!!!!!!!!! :'( :'( :'(
but you know what? i won't be like her... i forgive her... someday she'll know what she's doing is wrong.. and well whatever... really i don't feel like writting anymore.. i feel like crap
do not give up
yeah i said i wasn't going to post ...
i just wanted to share with you a few quotes on not giving up! :)
"Start by doing what's necessary;
then do what's possible;
and suddenly you are doing the impossible. "
"Achievement seems to be connected with action.
Successful men and women keep moving.
They make mistakes, but they don't quit."
"Most of the important things in the world have
been accomplished by people who have kept on
trying when there seemed to be no hopeat all. "
"Just don't give up trying to do what you really want to do."
"Never give up, for that is just the place and
time that the tide will turn."
"If you are going through hell, keep going"
i just wanted to share with you a few quotes on not giving up! :)
"Start by doing what's necessary;
then do what's possible;
and suddenly you are doing the impossible. "
"Achievement seems to be connected with action.
Successful men and women keep moving.
They make mistakes, but they don't quit."
"Most of the important things in the world have
been accomplished by people who have kept on
trying when there seemed to be no hopeat all. "
"Just don't give up trying to do what you really want to do."
"Never give up, for that is just the place and
time that the tide will turn."
"If you are going through hell, keep going"
"%&("=$)=
hi... i am a big fat cow with no self-control
i binged today... i'll stop posting until i begin
to take control of this cause i don't wanna be
giving you bad news all the time... of how i
ate a bunch of crap! people want to hear
good news all the time... i love you all! and
thanx for the comments! :)
ps: nads ... where are you? :S
i binged today... i'll stop posting until i begin
to take control of this cause i don't wanna be
giving you bad news all the time... of how i
ate a bunch of crap! people want to hear
good news all the time... i love you all! and
thanx for the comments! :)
ps: nads ... where are you? :S
note <3
Hi! so Noah gave this note to Allie a few days before the summer ended and she left. They were holding each other and Allie was crying cause they might never see each other again. Noah put this note in Allie's hand and it said:
"The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. Maybe they always have been and will be. Maybe we've lived a thousand lives before this one and in each of them we've found each other. And maybe each time, we've been forced apart for the same reasons. That means that this good-bye is both a good-bye for the past ten thousand years and a prelude to what will come.
When i look at you, I see your beauty and grace and know they have grown stronger with every life you have lived. And i know i have spend every life before this one searching for you. Not someone like you, but you, for your soul and mine must always come together. And then, for a reason neither of us understands, we've been forced to say good-bye.
I would love to tell you that everything will work out for us, and i promise to do all i can to make sure it does. But if we never meet again and this is truly good-by, i know we will see each other again in another life. We will find each other again, and maybe the stars will have changed, and we will not only love each other in that time, but for all the times we've had before."
That's exactly the same cover as the one i have :)
"The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. Maybe they always have been and will be. Maybe we've lived a thousand lives before this one and in each of them we've found each other. And maybe each time, we've been forced apart for the same reasons. That means that this good-bye is both a good-bye for the past ten thousand years and a prelude to what will come.
When i look at you, I see your beauty and grace and know they have grown stronger with every life you have lived. And i know i have spend every life before this one searching for you. Not someone like you, but you, for your soul and mine must always come together. And then, for a reason neither of us understands, we've been forced to say good-bye.
I would love to tell you that everything will work out for us, and i promise to do all i can to make sure it does. But if we never meet again and this is truly good-by, i know we will see each other again in another life. We will find each other again, and maybe the stars will have changed, and we will not only love each other in that time, but for all the times we've had before."
That's exactly the same cover as the one i have :)reading habits...
Jesus... i just read this in a blog... and omg i need to read more!
this will be my Books to read list!
The BBC believes most people will have only read 6 of the 100 books here. How do your reading habits stack up?
Instructions:
Look at the list and put an 'x' after those you have read.
1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen ()
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien ()
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte ( )
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling ()
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee ()
6 The Bible ( )
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte ()
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell ()
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman ()
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens ()
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott ()
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy ()
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller ()
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare ()
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier ()
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien ()
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk ()
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger ()
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger ()
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot ( )
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell ()
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald ()
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens ( )
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy ()
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams ()
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh ( )
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky ()
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck ()
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll (x)
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame ( )
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy ( )
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens ()
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis ()
34 Emma - Jane Austen ()
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen ()
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis (x)
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini ()
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres ( )
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden ()
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne ()
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell ()
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown ()
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez ()
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving ()
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins ( )
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery ()
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy ( )
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood ()
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding ()
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan ()
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel ()
52 Dune - Frank Herbert ()
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons ( )
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen ()
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth ( )
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon ()
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens ()
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley ()
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon ()
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez ()
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck ()
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov ()
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt ()
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold ( )
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas ()
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac ()
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy ( )
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding ()
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie ()
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville ()
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens ()
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker ()
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett (x)
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson ()
75 Ulysses - James Joyce ()
76 The Inferno - Dante ()
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome ( )
78 Germinal - Emile Zola ()
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray ()
80 Possession - AS Byatt ()
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens ()
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell ( )
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker ()
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro ( )
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert ()
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry ( )
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White ()
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom ().
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle ()
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton ( )
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad ()
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery ()
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks ( )
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams ()
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole ()
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute ( )
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas ( )
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare ()
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl()
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo ()
this will be my Books to read list!
The BBC believes most people will have only read 6 of the 100 books here. How do your reading habits stack up?
Instructions:
Look at the list and put an 'x' after those you have read.
1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen ()
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien ()
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte ( )
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling ()
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee ()
6 The Bible ( )
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte ()
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell ()
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman ()
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens ()
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott ()
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy ()
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller ()
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare ()
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier ()
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien ()
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk ()
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger ()
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger ()
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot ( )
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell ()
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald ()
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens ( )
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy ()
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams ()
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh ( )
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky ()
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck ()
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll (x)
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame ( )
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy ( )
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens ()
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis ()
34 Emma - Jane Austen ()
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen ()
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis (x)
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini ()
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres ( )
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden ()
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne ()
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell ()
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown ()
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez ()
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving ()
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins ( )
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery ()
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy ( )
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood ()
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding ()
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan ()
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel ()
52 Dune - Frank Herbert ()
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons ( )
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen ()
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth ( )
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon ()
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens ()
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley ()
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon ()
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez ()
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck ()
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov ()
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt ()
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold ( )
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas ()
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac ()
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy ( )
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding ()
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie ()
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville ()
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens ()
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker ()
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett (x)
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson ()
75 Ulysses - James Joyce ()
76 The Inferno - Dante ()
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome ( )
78 Germinal - Emile Zola ()
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray ()
80 Possession - AS Byatt ()
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens ()
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell ( )
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker ()
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro ( )
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert ()
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry ( )
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White ()
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom ().
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle ()
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton ( )
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad ()
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery ()
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks ( )
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams ()
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole ()
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute ( )
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas ( )
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare ()
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl()
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo ()
monday to friday plan
gym from 2:30 pm to 4:30 pm then from 5:00 to 6:00 pm salsa dance lesson. so that's a lot of exercise right... :) i think i can lose 15 pounds/6.8 kilos in a month fuck my sister!
fuck my sister, fuck my life! :'( i'll tell you later...
i just hate myself so fucking much!!!!!!
fuck detox diet... i'll fucking fast!!!!!!
i just hate myself so fucking much!!!!!!
fuck detox diet... i'll fucking fast!!!!!!
faaaaaaaaaaaaat
so i just noticed my body is looking a lot like hilary duff's when she was fat :( ----------------->
ew...i know...
soo.. i need to go from that to
this--->
xthinforever
oh sweetheart i understand! i'll erase that post :) i know i feel that way too, it's just that i have a friend, well no not a friend she's a girl i know and she's ... well HUGE and i hate her cause she's so mean!! She's a bad friend, she's well she's a real BITCH! and she looks for me whenever she needs me but whenever i need her i can't go looking for her cause i tried once, when i thought she was my friend, and she didn't give a fuck... i mean she even gave me a sarcastic smile... like it makes her happy when something bad happens to me... so yesterday she called me cause she was feeling like crap blah blah and i, of course tried to help her in any way i could... later i called her cause i needed some help with a paper i have to write due to friday... i mean i only needed her to explain me some stuff ... and she was like oh yeah .. right.. i'll call you later i'm just really busy right now.. and i thought ookay... well she never called... at night i got online and she was online so asked her what happened and she ignored me... then she went offline... WHAT A BITCH i hate her!! so i started watching reverse thinspo and thinking how i didn't want to be like her! fuck her... anyway hahaha sorry i understand! :)
the notebook review hahaha <3
first day of college went great! :) also detox diet day 2 GREAT! :) i'm happy!! and yes i've started reading the notebook and it is SOO GOOD! it's a bit different from the movie, as always, but i'm loving it! it's soo romantic! I'm in the middle right now, she's visiting noah (for the house thingy) after 14 years....and they spent all day talking, reminiscing, they cooked crab and veggies, he had a beer she drank tea. She's engaged, it hurts him to think about it... It's soo good cause it describes how they're feeling, and she wants to kiss him... she feels she is falling in love with him, again. He never stopped loving her and he wants to make love to her but he knows he can't, she's engaged. And Allie is trying so hard to stop her impulses cause she knows it would be "wrong", but at the same time she's thinking how Lon, her fiance, has never made her feel the way she felt that summer she spent with noah. And deep inside she knows NO ONE will ever make her feel that way... that's what i've read so far i'm on page 81! i think i'll finish reading it by the end of the weekend! :) it's really good.
"But at that moment she still wasn't completely aware of it, and she turned to face him. She reached over and touched his hand, hesitantly, gently, amazed that after all these years he'd somehow known exactly what she'd needed to hear. When their eyes locked, she once again realized how special he was.
And for just a fleeting moment, a tiny wisp of time that hung in the air like fireflies in summer skies, she wondered if she was in love with him again."
And for just a fleeting moment, a tiny wisp of time that hung in the air like fireflies in summer skies, she wondered if she was in love with him again."
hi hi hi! :)
hii! okay finally got the time to explain... my dad went to the hotel and asked what was going on with me? he asked if i was okay? if i wanted to leave the house? and i told him that i was okay... that i only needed some time alone blah blah and he was like okay i understand but remember i love you and whatever you need you just tell me okay ? fuckkkk he ripped off my heart :( he's so nice i couldn't bare letting him go so i went back home with him hahaha i'm weak! hahahah :) but i'm okay i realized i was only running away from my issues... which is very very stupid cause my "issues" come with me wherever i go! haha so yeah i'm back! finallyyy! :D:D i missed you!
Detox diet day 1 went on perfect!! :) i'm hoping to lose 8 pounds!! *crossing fingers*. After i finish the detox diet i'll try to fast! :) College starts tomorrow! boo :( i don't wanna wake up early :'( but nah i'll be able to fast! so yay for that!
have you watched the notebook. the movie? okay it's one of my favorite movies. I went to a book fair and saw a white book with the title
THE NOTEBOOK
Nicholas Sparks
A Novel
i immediately grabbed it and OMG it was the book!! i didn't know it was based on a book! i was thrilleddd.. i soo had to buy it haha it was actually really cheap... $ 4.00 it's a bit old and dirty but i don't care!! i started reading it yesterday and omgosh it's a page turner it's soooo sweet!!!! <3 i want a love like that one you know.. so fucking strong that after 14 years he still thinks of you... and you still think of him too <3 nawwwwwwwww how sweet!!!!
ugh i gotta go my mom's calling love you all!!
xoxo
Detox diet day 1 went on perfect!! :) i'm hoping to lose 8 pounds!! *crossing fingers*. After i finish the detox diet i'll try to fast! :) College starts tomorrow! boo :( i don't wanna wake up early :'( but nah i'll be able to fast! so yay for that!
have you watched the notebook. the movie? okay it's one of my favorite movies. I went to a book fair and saw a white book with the title
THE NOTEBOOK
Nicholas Sparks
A Novel
i immediately grabbed it and OMG it was the book!! i didn't know it was based on a book! i was thrilleddd.. i soo had to buy it haha it was actually really cheap... $ 4.00 it's a bit old and dirty but i don't care!! i started reading it yesterday and omgosh it's a page turner it's soooo sweet!!!! <3 i want a love like that one you know.. so fucking strong that after 14 years he still thinks of you... and you still think of him too <3 nawwwwwwwww how sweet!!!!
ugh i gotta go my mom's calling love you all!!
xoxo
detox diet
hi! my sister-in-law send me this diet. Her doctor gave it to her and she lost 4 pounds in the first 5 days!! :) i'm starting it tomorrow and i already told my mom so she won't make me eat! :D yay
day 1
B: eat normally except tea, coffee, bread, cereals, pasta.
L: salad
D: salad and fruit
Days 2, 3, 4
B: Orange juice and fruit
L: fruit
D: fruit
Days 5, 6, 7
B: Fruit
L: salad
D: vegetables
Days 8, 9, 10
B: fruit
L: salad
D: chicken, fish
Allowed fruits: apple, pineapple, grapes, papaya and watermelon
Allowed vegetables: carrots, cauliflower, broccolli
Also every night you have to drink lemon water or orange water without sugar.
You can add lemon, salt or O.J. to the salads.
day 1
B: eat normally except tea, coffee, bread, cereals, pasta.
L: salad
D: salad and fruit
Days 2, 3, 4
B: Orange juice and fruit
L: fruit
D: fruit
Days 5, 6, 7
B: Fruit
L: salad
D: vegetables
Days 8, 9, 10
B: fruit
L: salad
D: chicken, fish
Allowed fruits: apple, pineapple, grapes, papaya and watermelon
Allowed vegetables: carrots, cauliflower, broccolli
Also every night you have to drink lemon water or orange water without sugar.
You can add lemon, salt or O.J. to the salads.
i'm back...
back home... not glad about it but nah! i'll explain later i need some sleep! byebye! xoxo i hope you missed me!! :) hehe
i'm leaving...
hi sweethearts i don't have much time... i just came home to pick up some jeans... i'm not back yet. I'll stay at the hotel another week or two more i can't tell yet. I wrote those two posts sunday 19th and girls confessions on my cousins laptop and saved them in my mail so i could just copy paste them here... it's been kind of a good week... not really. I dunno, yesterday i saw my sister for the first time since last week... and well she hasn't change, fuck her... fuck i gotta go i miss you! :( i promise to come back with good news next time... pinky promise! :) love you love you
i'm a fat cow... that's all i have to say. I love you girls!! Don't forget about me please.
i'm a fat cow... that's all i have to say. I love you girls!! Don't forget about me please.
Girl Confessions ... get to know me haha
1. Do you sleep in your bra?
nope
2. Do you sleep with socks on?
only when it's really cold!!
3. Would you rather sleep alone or with someone else?
someone else!
4. Do you enjoy drama?
i hate drama!
5. Are you a girly girl?
yup :)
6. Who was the last person you hugged?
my bf C
7. Small or large purses?
HUGE!!
8. Are you short?
no, i'm not tall either but i ain't short haha
9. Do you like somebody?
yes!! but he doesn't know and i seriously doubt he likes me :(
10.Does your Facebook password have to do with a boy?
hahaha no! that's stupid
11. Do you care if your socks are dirty?
gosh yes, i'm a neat freak!!!
12. Do you think you’re conceited?
nope
13. Do you dress up on Halloween?
no, i only wear pretty masks ;)
14. Are you double jointed?
no?
15. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
on a bench at a park with my friends haha
16. Has anyone touched/smacked your butt in the past 24 hours?
no haha
17. Is there any type of rumor going around about you?
i hope not
18. Do you call anybody by their last name?
my professors
19. How many guys will read this just because it says- Girl Confessions?
i think no guy will read this
[x] i do wear make up.
[x] I have cried at a movie theater.
[ ] I can put mascara on without opening my mouth.
[x] I get jealous.
[yes! he's gorgeous] I think Johnny Depp is sexy
[x] I love to laugh.
[ ]I like death/grind/black metal.
[ ]I like rap.
[x] like techno
[ ] like country
[x] I carry a purse.
[x] i'd be lost without my computer.
[] I own a Spice Girls CD.
[] I own a Britney Spears CD.
[x] I own a boy band CD.
[ ] I get bored watching football.
[ ] Think guys are confusing
[x] I have/had a piercing other than my ears.
Come on ladies, be truthful!
1. What color is the bra your wearing?
Black
2. Do you prefer light or dark haired guys?
both!
3. Are you currently frustrated with a boy?
haha yes
4. What's one thing a guy can do to make you like them?
make me laugh :)
5. Do you have a best friend?
i have two bf
6. Have you ever had your heart broken?
yeah kind of, but now i wonder why the heck... haha
7. Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery?
yes
8. Do you like your life?
sometimes, it could be better though
10. Has one of your friends ever stolen a boy from you?
nope and i hope it NEVER happens!
11. Have you ever jumped into a pool with your clothes on?
i was pushed but it was fun! haha
12. Do you have more friends that are girls or boys?
girls
13. How long have you had a Facebook?
i dunno like 2 years i think
14. Have you ever slapped a boy in the face?
yup, but he asked me to, haha we were just goofing around
15. What are your biggest fears?
food and worms hahahah
16. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
yes :(
17. Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind?
oh man yes
18. Do you believe in the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater?"
heck yeah!! they may change but you'll never trust them even though you say you will... so girls don't be silly. He cheated on you, leave him, go get a better one! ;)
19. Have you ever had a good feeling about something?
yes
20. Do you ever wish you were famous?
nope!
21. Are you currently missing someone?
yes :(
THIS GUY OR THAT GUY? PICK ONE
Cowboy or Gangster?
cowboy
Preppy or Punk/Goth?
preppy!
Face or Body?
Ooh tough one. I'd say face, body don't really care... just as long as he isn't fat! :)
Good cook or take you out a lot?
take me out a lot
Sweet or Sexy?
both, even better if he's got a little bad boy in him hahahaha
Armani or Abercrombie?
don't care
Contacts or Glasses?
it depends, some guys look good with glasses... some don't!
DO IT, its a girl survey.
01. Eyeliner or Mascara?
BOTH!!
02. Louis vuitton or dooney & bourke
dooney & bourke
03. American eagle or Hollister?
both both both!!
04. Pumps or flats?
oh c'mon i love them both!
05. Skirts or pants?
pants, if i had slim legs it would be skirts... but obviously i don't ...so pants
06. Socks or leggings?
none
07. Hoodies or jackets?
god!! this is too hard... both!
08. Heels or sneakers?
BOTH!
10. Hoop or dangling earrings?
dangling earrings
11.Do you think your pretty, honestly?
i'm fat, do i need to say more?
12.Boots or Flip Flops?
flip flops
13. White or black?
white
14. Victoria’s secret or bath and body works?
Victoria's secret
15. Smoothies or lattes?
latte
16. Diet or regular sodas?
diet always!!
17. Water or daiquiris?
oh man... i love daiquiri but i hate the clas in it
18. Pearls or diamonds?
diamonds!!!!!!
19. Lemonade or iced tea?
iced tea
20. Mary-Kate or Ashley Olsen?
both!!
21. Will you get drunk when you celebrate your birthday of this question number?
heck yeah!
22. iPod or cell phone?
ipod
23. Friends or family?
oh don't make me choose i love them both, can't live without them
24. Lip gloss or lip stick?
lip stick
25. Manicure or pedicures?
peidcures
26. Would you rather shop with one best friend or go bowling with lots of friends?
go bowling with lots of friends
27. Tank tops or beaters?
tank top
28. Tiffany’s or Chanel?
chanel
29. love or peace?
peace and love
30. Sunglasses or purses?
purses
IN A GUY...
Funny or Serious?
both, there's gotta be a balance
Romantic or Daredevil?
oh tough tough.... daredevil with a little romance haha
Dark Eyes or Light Eyes?
don't care as long as they're pretty
Long Hair or Short Hair?
not too long!! short and medium ;)
Curly Hair or Straight Hair?
awwww curls drive me crazy!! But i like straight too
Clean-cut or Rough?
both hahah!!
Basketball Player or Football Player?
football player
Smoker or Non-smoker?
non-smoker please
Drunk or Sober?
sober
Druggie or Clean?
CLEAN
Has a Motorcycle or Has a Sports Car?
sports car, not that i really care about that but i don't like motorcycles ... too noisy!!
Player or Loyal?
LOYAL!
Ever walked into the guy's bathroom?
hahaha yes
Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
see what happens haha
If you ever want to live to see another day, you're forced to snort cocaine, would you do it?
yes! i wanna live a long long long happy life
If you woke up in one of the Saw movies, do you think you could survive?
no... i'd faint hahahaha
When is the last time you were in a photo booth taking pictures with friends?
on sunday!
On average what do you think you cry about the most?
about how i hate my fat body
Who was the last guy you talked to?
d.e.
Do you think best friends can be replaced?
no!!
Does the last person you held hands with mean a lot?
i dunno ...really
Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life?
yup
What friends do you tell the most?
c, f and mt
Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
C :)
Where's the weirdest place you've changed clothes?
um... in a car?
Are you going anywhere next summer?
i wanna go to the US but i dunno
Are you waiting for anyone's call or text right now?
nope
Are you shy?
sometimes haha i'm weird ...
Are you talkative?
oh yes!
Do you secretly like someone?
lol, yup!
Are you good at hiding your feelings?
yes, but when i got too much going on in my head or heart the ones who really really really know me notice.
How is life going for you right now?
could be better
Do you trust people easily?
nope
Do you give out second chances easily?
nope
Do you smile a lot?
all the time! :D
One thing you're looking forward to.
finish college and travel the world!!
How do you feel about change?
ooh i've learned to deal with it
Have you ever cried from being so mad?
haha yup
Are you happy?
not as happy as i'd like to be
Do you prefer to be around people, or by yourself?
depends on my mood
nope
2. Do you sleep with socks on?
only when it's really cold!!
3. Would you rather sleep alone or with someone else?
someone else!
4. Do you enjoy drama?
i hate drama!
5. Are you a girly girl?
yup :)
6. Who was the last person you hugged?
my bf C
7. Small or large purses?
HUGE!!
8. Are you short?
no, i'm not tall either but i ain't short haha
9. Do you like somebody?
yes!! but he doesn't know and i seriously doubt he likes me :(
10.Does your Facebook password have to do with a boy?
hahaha no! that's stupid
11. Do you care if your socks are dirty?
gosh yes, i'm a neat freak!!!
12. Do you think you’re conceited?
nope
13. Do you dress up on Halloween?
no, i only wear pretty masks ;)
14. Are you double jointed?
no?
15. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
on a bench at a park with my friends haha
16. Has anyone touched/smacked your butt in the past 24 hours?
no haha
17. Is there any type of rumor going around about you?
i hope not
18. Do you call anybody by their last name?
my professors
19. How many guys will read this just because it says- Girl Confessions?
i think no guy will read this
[x] i do wear make up.
[x] I have cried at a movie theater.
[ ] I can put mascara on without opening my mouth.
[x] I get jealous.
[yes! he's gorgeous] I think Johnny Depp is sexy
[x] I love to laugh.
[ ]I like death/grind/black metal.
[ ]I like rap.
[x] like techno
[ ] like country
[x] I carry a purse.
[x] i'd be lost without my computer.
[] I own a Spice Girls CD.
[] I own a Britney Spears CD.
[x] I own a boy band CD.
[ ] I get bored watching football.
[ ] Think guys are confusing
[x] I have/had a piercing other than my ears.
Come on ladies, be truthful!
1. What color is the bra your wearing?
Black
2. Do you prefer light or dark haired guys?
both!
3. Are you currently frustrated with a boy?
haha yes
4. What's one thing a guy can do to make you like them?
make me laugh :)
5. Do you have a best friend?
i have two bf
6. Have you ever had your heart broken?
yeah kind of, but now i wonder why the heck... haha
7. Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery?
yes
8. Do you like your life?
sometimes, it could be better though
10. Has one of your friends ever stolen a boy from you?
nope and i hope it NEVER happens!
11. Have you ever jumped into a pool with your clothes on?
i was pushed but it was fun! haha
12. Do you have more friends that are girls or boys?
girls
13. How long have you had a Facebook?
i dunno like 2 years i think
14. Have you ever slapped a boy in the face?
yup, but he asked me to, haha we were just goofing around
15. What are your biggest fears?
food and worms hahahah
16. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
yes :(
17. Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind?
oh man yes
18. Do you believe in the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater?"
heck yeah!! they may change but you'll never trust them even though you say you will... so girls don't be silly. He cheated on you, leave him, go get a better one! ;)
19. Have you ever had a good feeling about something?
yes
20. Do you ever wish you were famous?
nope!
21. Are you currently missing someone?
yes :(
THIS GUY OR THAT GUY? PICK ONE
Cowboy or Gangster?
cowboy
Preppy or Punk/Goth?
preppy!
Face or Body?
Ooh tough one. I'd say face, body don't really care... just as long as he isn't fat! :)
Good cook or take you out a lot?
take me out a lot
Sweet or Sexy?
both, even better if he's got a little bad boy in him hahahaha
Armani or Abercrombie?
don't care
Contacts or Glasses?
it depends, some guys look good with glasses... some don't!
DO IT, its a girl survey.
01. Eyeliner or Mascara?
BOTH!!
02. Louis vuitton or dooney & bourke
dooney & bourke
03. American eagle or Hollister?
both both both!!
04. Pumps or flats?
oh c'mon i love them both!
05. Skirts or pants?
pants, if i had slim legs it would be skirts... but obviously i don't ...so pants
06. Socks or leggings?
none
07. Hoodies or jackets?
god!! this is too hard... both!
08. Heels or sneakers?
BOTH!
10. Hoop or dangling earrings?
dangling earrings
11.Do you think your pretty, honestly?
i'm fat, do i need to say more?
12.Boots or Flip Flops?
flip flops
13. White or black?
white
14. Victoria’s secret or bath and body works?
Victoria's secret
15. Smoothies or lattes?
latte
16. Diet or regular sodas?
diet always!!
17. Water or daiquiris?
oh man... i love daiquiri but i hate the clas in it
18. Pearls or diamonds?
diamonds!!!!!!
19. Lemonade or iced tea?
iced tea
20. Mary-Kate or Ashley Olsen?
both!!
21. Will you get drunk when you celebrate your birthday of this question number?
heck yeah!
22. iPod or cell phone?
ipod
23. Friends or family?
oh don't make me choose i love them both, can't live without them
24. Lip gloss or lip stick?
lip stick
25. Manicure or pedicures?
peidcures
26. Would you rather shop with one best friend or go bowling with lots of friends?
go bowling with lots of friends
27. Tank tops or beaters?
tank top
28. Tiffany’s or Chanel?
chanel
29. love or peace?
peace and love
30. Sunglasses or purses?
purses
IN A GUY...
Funny or Serious?
both, there's gotta be a balance
Romantic or Daredevil?
oh tough tough.... daredevil with a little romance haha
Dark Eyes or Light Eyes?
don't care as long as they're pretty
Long Hair or Short Hair?
not too long!! short and medium ;)
Curly Hair or Straight Hair?
awwww curls drive me crazy!! But i like straight too
Clean-cut or Rough?
both hahah!!
Basketball Player or Football Player?
football player
Smoker or Non-smoker?
non-smoker please
Drunk or Sober?
sober
Druggie or Clean?
CLEAN
Has a Motorcycle or Has a Sports Car?
sports car, not that i really care about that but i don't like motorcycles ... too noisy!!
Player or Loyal?
LOYAL!
Ever walked into the guy's bathroom?
hahaha yes
Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
see what happens haha
If you ever want to live to see another day, you're forced to snort cocaine, would you do it?
yes! i wanna live a long long long happy life
If you woke up in one of the Saw movies, do you think you could survive?
no... i'd faint hahahaha
When is the last time you were in a photo booth taking pictures with friends?
on sunday!
On average what do you think you cry about the most?
about how i hate my fat body
Who was the last guy you talked to?
d.e.
Do you think best friends can be replaced?
no!!
Does the last person you held hands with mean a lot?
i dunno ...really
Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life?
yup
What friends do you tell the most?
c, f and mt
Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
C :)
Where's the weirdest place you've changed clothes?
um... in a car?
Are you going anywhere next summer?
i wanna go to the US but i dunno
Are you waiting for anyone's call or text right now?
nope
Are you shy?
sometimes haha i'm weird ...
Are you talkative?
oh yes!
Do you secretly like someone?
lol, yup!
Are you good at hiding your feelings?
yes, but when i got too much going on in my head or heart the ones who really really really know me notice.
How is life going for you right now?
could be better
Do you trust people easily?
nope
Do you give out second chances easily?
nope
Do you smile a lot?
all the time! :D
One thing you're looking forward to.
finish college and travel the world!!
How do you feel about change?
ooh i've learned to deal with it
Have you ever cried from being so mad?
haha yup
Are you happy?
not as happy as i'd like to be
Do you prefer to be around people, or by yourself?
depends on my mood
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