Sunday 19th

back from the beach... i had the best time!! I didn't swim even though we had a pool there... but i danced! and got wasted... there's a few moments i barely even remember haha it was awesome :) I'm at the hotel. I had to go home pick up some clothes for the week and i decided to weigh ... and 61 kilos... FML. I'm sure i had lost a few pounds but this weekend oh my... We ate so fucking much! and drank beer, margaritas, tequila, smirnoffs which has... let's just say A LOT of cals! So i can't complain. It's MY fault. Stupid me. aaanyway... I'm not gonna let this bring me down! I will do this for ME and with a special dedication to Nads, xthinforever, Stickthin! (how sweet is that uh? :P)

This is will happen in a period of two months, i know i can lose more but i'll go along with this for now :)

start -> 135 lb - 61 kilos
need 2 lose -> 16 lb - 7 kilos
goal -> 119 lb - 54 kilos
starting july 20
ending sep 20
69 days
0.231 lb - 0.101 kg /per day

i'll be gone for a week or a few more days... i dunno. i love you all!!!

hello everyone!! how have you been? havent been able to fast... my mom makes me fucking eat! Just lunch, but still...

I won't be home tomorrow and remember the beach trip? it's this weekend... which means i'll be gone for three days. I've had a pretty shitty week... fought with my mom like EVERY single day, my dad's fucking smoking again and hate it! i hate how he doesn't care about his health! I love him so much!!! And i hate not having control over that... you know him taking care or HIMSELF! and lately i've been thinking about how much he gave up, and he still gives up for me, for making me happy and for giving everything he never had as a kid. I wish i could pay him back, i wish i knew what he wanted exactly and somehow give it to him. Make him happy, i know he isnt SAD, but he isn't HAPPY either... i can feel it, he's got this tired look i wish i could just take away. I don't know how and it's killing me...

My sister, she's like 9 years older than me and we've always have a weird relationship... i love her of course, she's my sister. But sometimes she is so fucking mean to me... no, i'm not trying to make a victim of myself... but she is mean! She thinks everything i say is stupid. Yesterday i was telling my dad i wanted to live somewhere in europe or canada! And my dad was like okay, study and work hard and do whatever you please! And my sister was there... she raised an eyebrow and told me that i was being ridiculous... she told to stop dreaming cause my dreams were stupid! to come down to earth... i told her to shut up cause there was nothing wrong with dreaming, besides it's not like there's something wrong my my dreams... right? you know, me wanting to travel the world... she just gave this fucking look i hate... and said in a sarcastic way "ha ha... poor little girl" she turned and left the room... i was so fucking mad!!!! and she always does this kind of stuff... ALL THE TIME!!!! She always tries to make me feel stupid and that i can't do anything! And then when i try to talk to her she always tell... oh c'mon you're just a kid... someday you'll thank me... how the fuck will i ever thank her for making fun of my dreams... and trying to take them away from me? ....

When i was 13 (that's when i started to gain weight) she would always make fun of me... maybe she didn't mean to do me wrong... but she did. I remember her singing this fucking song, i don't remember the name but it was about a girl complaining for being chubby and how boys never looked at her, how her clothing never fit ... my sister sang it to me and laughed! and i yelled! i told her to shut the fuck up... and she laughed even harder... until she made me cry. And oh no... that didn't stop her... she told me oh c'mon don't be a baby... and she kept on giggling... I remember her telling my mom "omg mom have you looked at her... i mean even t-shirts look tight on her!!" ... god if i kept on going... she hurt me, she really did... and i remember once i was in my room and my sister and my bro were with my parents in kitchen. And i heard my dad asking them to be careful with their comments about my weight, for they would hurt me and may cause me psychological problems.. blah blah blah blah...

And yesterday once again... we we're talking about random stuff when my mom asked me if i wanted a cookie and i of course said NO. So my sis told omg you never eat ... that must be the reason to your "super hot body" (she did that thingy with your fingers) and then started laughing, a sarcastic laugh.. HA HA HA HA HA HAHA... i only told her to shut up, stormed out of the room and went to hide in the bathroom... i wanted to fucking cry! but couldn't tears didn't show up...

also there has been a weird atmosphere between me and one of my BEST friends... i fucking hate it... she's got a boyfriend now, and she fucking changed... why do you think people change so fucking much when they are with someone? i mean... they forget they fucking have friends! i just hate that!!!

oh and did i forgot to mention i am fucking FAT! i'm a cow! yup... i'm not feeling good. So i asked my dad if i could go stay with my grandma at the hotel, next week... the WHOLE week... when i get back from the beach i'll go directly to the hotel and i'll stay there. No one will make me eat there. I need some time alone... i really really need this right now... i wanna spend time with myself, read a few books, practice some yoga, FAST, etc!

There's no internet there so i won't be able to post or talk to any of you :( i'm gonna miss you... i love you all! and i hope to come back with good news for you all! i LOVE YOU!! i really do! thank you all for being with me in this... i don't think you understand how much it helps to know there's people out there that truly understands me and has no prejudice on what i do. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!

ps. hp 6 was fucking great! i loved it... they left out A LOT from the book... but it was good i mean i liked it! :) did you??

DOUCHEBAG!!

hahahahaha xthinforever! lmfao!!! fuck! i asked one of my teachers how to write it and he even wrote it on the board DUTCHBAG! and i thought.. ooookay.... and i've always written it that way!!! hahahahah fuckk! i'm changing it right away! i feel stupid! you think he was playing a "joke" on me?? how mean!!!!

goodbye long term fasting!!

hiii!! okay i finally got the time to write. whew!! the semester is over! :) and i passed all my courses!!! The problem is i may have to say goodbye to my fasting plan... cause i'll have to be home for 3 fucking weeks! before the second semester starts... and if my mom or dad are here they're going to make me eat! at least lunch!! oh boy i dunno what the fuck im going to do. I'll be able to fast only on Tuesdays and weekends! better than nothing right?

I'll still be going to the gym. Oh oh and i've started doing some yoga!! i found an article in a magazine with the "basic" yoga positions... for beginners :) haha i started today! In the beginning you have to stay on the same position for 15 seconds, then 30 ... and so and so... until you can keep the same position for 7 minutes! :)

I love my parents, i really do, they've been soo damn good to me! But i'm kinda exited about the hotel and the restaurant thingy. cause my mom already told me that they will be spending less time at home; cause they have to be there and make plans, you know budgets, menu, cooking and other stuff! so she told me that after college i'll have to go to the hotel to eat with them. I told her not to worry, cause i could eat at college and then go directly to the gym. cause i wanted to "save time"... she believed me. :) yup... fuck i hate lying to her!! :( So this hotel-restaurant thing is a plus for my weight loss! :)

Tomorrow is tuesday, which means i'll fast! i WILL fast yes yes yesss i will! aaaaaaaaand... i'll ask my dad if C and i can stay the night at the hotel, in case you're wondering... C is one of my BEST friends! :). We'll stay at the hotel, cause on Wednesday she has to go to college and right after that we're going to the movies... YES you guessed right... we're going to watch HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE!!! fucking stoked about that!!! The thing is my parents won't give me the car, cause to be honest i'm still not quite a "good" driver you may say... haha and C has no car! so F (my other best friend :)) will go pick us up to the hotel cause she doesn't wanna drive all the way to my house, no fucking idea why cause it isn't that far but..., yup it would be easier if C and i go to F's house adn stay there but we can't. Cause F had a fight with his dad last night and F doesn't want us to be there and kinda experience a bad vibe from his dad lols.

oh oh but the most important thing iis that i will be able to fast on wednesday too! cause i wont be home!!! :) yayy!! freaking awesome!! aanyway i gotta go it's late and i really need some sleep... love you all!!! and thanxx for the comments!!! :) i love youuu <3>

Nads!!!

fucking awesome!! harry potter is the shit!!!! :D and whaat? harry potter and the deathly hallows, translated within less that 48 hours?????? i bet you guys didn't sleep!! but awesome!!!

And OMGOSH that would fucking cool!! and yup my dad kinda owns a hotel... but not really.. hahaha i mean it has just been finished, like built. So i was helping him make the beds, clean... the thing is my grandma used to live there, and a abut 8 months ago my dad started this new "project" ....decided to rebuild the house and make a hotel, so my grandma went to live with one of my aunts. So an architect made like a whole new design... it was going to be really small, and the original design was a two stories hotel. But in this fucking town (well it's actually a really pretty place but still fuck it! haha) there are stupid laws that say you cannot build a two stories house, hotel or whatever... cause it's to like "preserve" the "colonial" style of the town... kinda complicated to explain haha. So they didn't let him build a second storey... which made the hotel even SMALLER! douchebag.. anyway... and now my grandma was like oh i wanna go back to my house blah blah.... and my dad had to give her one of the rooms in the "hotel".. so it all kinda screwed up. I mean the hotel thingy is still on, but it's gonna be so so sooooo fucking small... i told my dad to like put the hotel plan on hold, but he said that it's still gonna happen, he'll just have to wait a while, and maybe he'll be able to win over these douchebags that lead that fucking kinda organization that makes those fucking laws.. i'm not sure really. Meanwhile he and my mom will make this kinda restaurant. Also small, they'll have only like 4 or 5 dishes to choose from. It's gonna be chinese. Yup i'm a mixture of latin, chinese and according to my dad spanish too!

So my point up there was that YES it would fucking awesome!!! too bad the hotel isn't ready yet... though i think we're REALLY far i mean, Europe... America... but if ever there's a chance for you to come here, you are sooo welcome!! and we would totally do al that stuff you said! :) i'll tell you exactly where i live when i find you online! haha you know how paranoid i am! lol

too much to do, too little time! sowies!

hii! i don't have much time, there's a few things i'd like to tell you about right now (nothing important really, so don't have high expectations haha) but i have only like 15 minutes cause i gotta go help my dad at the hotel. Just wanted to share with you this thingy i found. :) love you all!

Low calorie diet

Low calorie diets work on the simple principle that calories give us fuel for all the activities and functions our bodies undertake. Therefore, if you reduce calories to less than the body requires, it will burn fat to replace them.

How to Start a Low Calorie Diet

• Equip yourself with a calorie counter
  Nowadays there are many books and publications with information on the calories contained in all kinds of food, both natural and ready meals. There is also extensive information online.
• Work out how many calories you are going to eat each day.
  
• Get into the habit of reading the labels on food
  Many include the number of calories. Check whether the figure quoted is per pack, or by weight, or per portion.
• Work out which foods you can enjoy on your diet
  Read your calorie counter and and stay within your calorie limits. It might help to work out a menu for the first week or two.
• Keep a food diary
  It is so easy to say "Low calorie diets don't work for me" or "I can't lose weight, it must be my metabolism (or glands)" when the simple truth is that you forget to count the doughnut you had for elevenses or the icecream you ate to cool down and maybe the bar of chocolate you had because you were feeling a bit depressed. Take your food diary around with you and write down every single thing you eat, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. Then, at the end of the first week, examine it carefully. Remember YOU are the one who wants or needs to lose weight so, if you cheat, you are only cheating yourself.
• Use a smaller plate than usual
  It will make you feel less deprived and stop you putting too much food on your plate when serving out meals.
• Don't feel guilty if you don't 'clean your plate'
  There are worse crimes than not eating everything you are served.
• If you are eating fewer calories than your body needs so forcing it to burn fat, you are inevitably going to feel hungry. Additionally, your stomach is probably accustomed to large portions. Eating smaller amounts is not going to satisfy you until your stomach becomes used to the new regime. You just have to grit your teeth and live through the hunger pangs. If they are really unbearable, eat some fruit. Just tell yourself that if you are hungry, your body is being forced to burn some fat so you will lose weight.
• Don't make yourself a martyr, it's boring for other people and you set yourself up for failure.
• Don't beat yourself up and then give up your diet when you succumb to temptation. First of all, it is the total calories consumed over a period of time - a week, a month - that determine whether you lose weight. Second, if you come off the diet because you ate a forbidden bar of chocolate or doughnut, you certainly won't lose weight. Forgive yourself and take note of the circumstances and try to avoid putting yourself in that situation again.
• A calorie controlled diet is an ideal opportunity to reform your eating habits. Because you can eat almost anything you like as long as you don't exceed your calorie allowance, you can work out a diet that you would be happy to continue, with somewhat increased portions, when you reach your target weight. This is essential because it was your old eating habits that led to weight gain.

fucking dirty mouth! lol

heyy everyone.. how you all doing Im good I guess… but FIRST.. I forgot.. NADS you like harry potter? I read you were gonna use part of your money for the harry potter movie or something like that right? Hahahah I don’t know why im even asking… why im making it public … I am a harry potter geek! Always been.. since I read the first book when I was like 12 lol :P yup im all stoked about harry potter and the half blood prince premier! Haha : ) aaaanyway.

Okay… I fasted for 3 days in a row, FUCKING AWESOME right? Haha … on the fourth day I fasted until 7:30pm … fuck, me and jt went for a cup of coffee. I tried to focus on my fasting thingy and drank only a cup of coffee, while he had a piece of chocolate cake (I was fucking dyiiing inside let me tell you… i wanted to eat that shit so baad! Lol but fucking didn’t ;) yeah im awesome… haha) soo he told me about his new girlfriend, that they fight too much… she’s too jealous blah blah… , I told him about my umm… well my life’s been pretty dullish lately so I only listened… haha so we we were on our way back to my house and we found some friends, they were going to have a few beers… and invited us… and I was like HECK NOOO! No no fucking way… but they won me over… haha we got there and we started drinking : ( fuck fuck fuck. (Im one of those who gets drunk REAL FAST! :$) haha yup I got wasted .. and ate… yup i ate nachos… and drank like.. tons of beer… fucking awful!! :( that was yesterday… and today I woke up with a fucking headache! and feeling fucking FAT. And I just ate a bowl of white rice… I was fucking hungry Im sorry… im stupid and fat!But you know what… fuck it! I failed okay, im stupid okay… but tomorrow’s another day and I WILL start this fast thingy … again, I mean on my first try I could do it for 3 days… well now on my 2nd time it'll be for 6 days right! The important thing is NEVER giving fucking up !! :)oh fuck I gotta go my mom’s calling.

I just noticed I say fuck a lot… haha but I’m still classy! ;) fuck yeah!! lol